So what if he did?

George W. Bush snorted coke. So goes the talk at rich people's dinner parties, according to The Wall Street Journal.

Speculation about the Texas governor's alleged drug use made the front page of the newspaper waved before the face of every reporter as a standard of journalistic integrity. The standard, in this case, was 50 column-inches of fawning testimony from Bush cronies who repeatedly intoned they knew "firsthand" the rumor wasn't true. One went so far as to say Bush's only indiscretion in college involved chewing tobacco.

Whether Mr. Bush really did snort a little toot doesn't matter anymore. What matters is The Wall Street Journal expending 50 inches to dispel a rumor involving the man most likely to be the Republican presidential candidate, igniting a fire in the hearts of tabloid editors everywhere. The woman-hunt is on for that one bleach-blonde, be-melloned retired exotic dancer named something like Jewel Box who will make a statement like, "chewing tobacco, my ass," which will become the most frequently printed phrase since "semen stain."

The best part is that it won't matter whether Ms. Box actually ever knew or even came in contact with Mr. Bush. What matters most in electoral affairs d' press is timing. If Ms. Box were to emerge now with her stories of George W.'s derring-do, who'd care besides Molly Ivins? Sure, it would sell a few Enquirers at Piggly Wigglys across Texas, but the rest of us would yawn. The tabs will dig up Ms. Box only after Mr. Bush sinks $10 million into his presidential campaign and becomes a contender. The bigger they are, the more single copy sales they generate.

Mr. Bush, for his part, does not deny the rumors that he once used cocaine. He simply replies that he was once young and stupid.

Touche'. A man of the people.

Bush's likely opponent in a presidential race is a man so lacking in vinegar, his greatest breach involves the support of Tibetan Buddhist monks and a few calls made from the wrong phone. Much has been made of Al Gore's missteps, but when it comes to drugs and illicit sex, the man squeaks when he walks. The irony then, is that we may finally have a Democrat as retentive as a typical Republican running against a Republican who once had as much fun as a typical Democrat.

Frankly, if Mr. Bush did experiment with drugs during college, I hope he says so. This country has been paralyzed by moral hysteria for so long, we condone lies instead of allowing people to share what they learned from their own experimental behavior. We contend it's a matter of teaching our children to stay away from drugs, but moralistic propaganda has never saved the young. On the contrary, telling kids something is bad is like hanging a carrot in front of a rabbit. Cigarettes, alcohol, chocolate, prescription drugs, fried foods and laziness are also bad in the way that too much can be deadly, and kids see adults indulging in all of those things daily.

To his advantage, Mr. Bush's indiscretions, whatever they are, will be revealed to a post-Lewinsky public, one that finally confessed en masse to human proclivities. This did not signify the downfall of civilization, as some moralists would have us believe. It means we prefer to no longer lie about something everybody knows. Spouses have cheated since the dawn of matrimony, and people experimented with mind-altering substances long before that. Perhaps if a Republican golden boy admits to experimental drug use, a generation can heave a collective sigh and we can finally have a realistic discussion about drugs.

Monday, May 17, 1999

Copyright 2010 by Deborah McAdams. All Rights Reserved. For Reprint Rights, click here.