Almost I am...III

If I get up in the morning, it's a good day.
If I get up in the morning and all my hair is gone,
it's a good day without hair.
If I get up in the morning sick as a dog,
it's a good day to be sick as a dog.
If my heart is broken and I'm sad and I cry until I can't breathe,
it's a good day because I have a heart.
If my lover abandons me, my family condemns me; if my garden grows nothing but weeds,
it's a good day because I've had a lover, a family and a garden.
If I languish in self-pity, disguise my vulnerability with irony or drink too much champagne,
it's an utterly fantastic day because I live in luxury.
If I lose my job and my home and my husband, then it's a good day to enjoy the complete absence of expectations.
If I recall the pain of all the days that were too hard to bear,
then it's a High Holy Day of Me because I lived to recall the pain.
If I can't stand not knowing any longer…
If I never understand at all…
If I bleed until I'm blue and don't know what to do…
If I'm cast out and shunned…
Lost and confused…
Wretched and disgusting…
If I'm resentful and shrill, lazy and dull, brash and macabre and foolish…
If I try and fail, or fail to try, give in, give up or give out…
If I forget everything I've ever learned…
If I change my mind, or it changes me…
and I have no idea what to do and do it anyway…
It's a good day, because I am 100 percent Grade A human being.
I am exactly what I was meant to be.
I am a thread in the fabric of the Divine, which clearly encompasses
Chaotic Elements
Like me.
Otherwise, what would we have here?
A tone with no melody, a rainbow of one color, a space with no depth, a flame in a box with no heat
There are no wrong notes.
There are no bad days.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Copyright 2010 by Deborah McAdams. All Rights Reserved. For Reprint Rights, click here.