“What an extraordinary plume you have, my pet. Simply the most commanding I have ever seen.”

“How many? Only the slightest few, my dearest love. I’m speaking allegorically, based on what I’ve heard.”

“Well, yes, we do discuss such things, heart’s flower, but only in the most discreet and adoring terms.”

“Oh, no, my fountainhead, flame of my desire. I would never discuss yours. I simply listen.”

“Of course I’m not ashamed of you, love of my life, companion of my soul, lord of my quivering womanhood… am I to assume you want me to discuss your ‘attributes?’”

“What would I say? Why, I’m too overwhelmed to put such feelings in words, my Adonis, my Anjin-San, my breath of life. I should need time (and a thesaurus) to consider such an endeavor. Now calm yourself, mighty raptor. I’ve brought you a fresh suet,” I would say, wondering why a hawk, a horned owl or even a crow hadn’t stared at me from the hedge.

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